Daddy Clay: 9 months baby! You and this thing I mean, you are…

Daddy Owen: What is it with the whole 9-month thing? Oh that’s just…

Daddy Brad: Cheers guys!

Daddy Owen: Thanks a lot. I have had the suit on for just a couple of hours now and I already understand…What if we did like a day? Have you ever had those times in your life where it’s only a day, but it felt like 9 months? I’m feeling this emotion like I’m feeling what maybe a pregnant woman might feel – I wouldn’t know how to put that.

Daddy Clay: A day?

Daddy Owen: 2 days? How about 3 days?

Daddy Clay: I mean do you know someone that was pregnant for two days?

Daddy Owen: The suit has a lot of different parts, and you had to fill it up with water – which we did. There’s a construction – a thing you like had to wrap around my chest, which constricts my breathing around my ribs.

Daddy Clay: Obviously you’re the guy in the suit and I – you need to talk this over with your family and if you don’t feel like you can do the full 9 months, we might be able to talk about it but, the object here is to try and…

Daddy Owen: I’m getting a little emotional now. There’s a huge amount of water in here and then there’s these metal balls right here – that kind of dig into me and then there’s a big thing here that digs into my bladder that puts constant pressure on my bladder. A woman’s not this pregnant for 9 months!

Daddy Brad: That’s a good point - okay 6 months?

Daddy Owen: I don’t even know if she’s this pregnant for 6 months!

Daddy Brad: 3 months

Daddy Owen: And then in here, in the actual belly part – there’s a ball shaking around so I feel kicking, I get kicks against me which is really kind of sweet.

Daddy Brad: They say this is kind of the third trimester suit, so a woman feels this for 3 months.

Daddy Owen: What if it’s premature?

Daddy Brad: But its not – this is going to be a healthy full-term child.

Daddy Owen: It is heavy and not comfortable and ho. I’m tired – I could really use a beer. You don’t like the denim? Does it make me look fat?

Daddy Clay: It makes you look like a pregnant art teacher.

Daddy Owen: I’ve got boobies now! And I haven’t had a chance to be alone with them, but they’re nice – I don’t know I feel like they kind of belong there. I think I should wear something over the belly.

Daddy Troy: Oh like the big prego pants?

Daddy Owen: Prego pants!

Daddy Troy: The ones that have the stretch on the top?

Daddy Owen: Yeah, yeah! I’d feel more comfortable in those.

Daddy Troy: So you like pants better?

Daddy Owen: I like pants better I think.

Daddy Brad: I think you should sell the belly to an advertiser.

Daddy Owen: My back already hurts, oh! I just moved and it kicked! Oh it just kicked right there – its so sweet, because you know you forget that there’s just a lead ball!

Daddy Clay: I think we’ve got to have a wig!

Daddy Owen: I don’t understand why a pregnant man would have to wear a wig!

Daddy Clay: You’re not a pregnant man.

Daddy Brad: You’re a pregnant woman!

Daddy Clay: I mean men can’t have babies.

Daddy Brad: Right, you’ve become a woman.

Daddy Owen: You know, Clay and those other guys, you know Brad, and they’ve got that dry humor! And they say stuff and you’re like oh yeah. Like “hey you might get fired today” or like “Hey really, I’m serious, stop talking”. All right we have got to get this straight, am I a man having a baby?

Daddy Clay: Listen Owen, here’s what I’m telling you – this is the deal okay? It’s a woman okay? That’s how we conceited it, that’s the way it’s going to be – you’re going to wear a wig and a dress?

Daddy Brad: Hell yes a dress.

Daddy Clay: And maternity clothes and that’s it – that’s part of the deal.
Daddy Owen: Clay wants me to be a woman. What is this? Is my wife…

Daddy Clay: And that’s it, that’s part of the deal okay?

Daddy Owen: Is my wife now a lesbian?

Daddy Clay: That’s not…

Daddy Owen: You know Clay and I butt heads and he’s got such a big head to butt against, but yeah I wanted to sort of talk to him about that.

Daddy Brad: Hey! Do you think your wife would wear a moustache for the three days?

Daddy Owen: To be a man you mean?

Daddy Brad: Yeah, pants and a button down shirt.

Daddy Clay: Okay so I think we’re done right? We’re agreed woman? Okay cool.

Daddy Brad: Three days.

Daddy Owen: Three days.

Daddy Brad: Do you have to pee yet?

Daddy Owen: Yeah but I think I can hold it. I think its going to be strange enough walking around Austin pregnant, let alone cross-dresser and pregnant. Though I’m cool with that – a lot of my best friends are cross-dressers. Do you have any like O’Doul’s in the fridge?

Daddy Brad: No, there’s some carnation instant breakfast milk.

Daddy Owen: This vision needs a tweak and that’s hopefully what I’ll do – is tweak!

Daddy Clay: It’s an online television network. It’s like the food network and others, except our subject matter is fatherhood. So its four shows a week, and each show is like 3 – 7 minutes long, and its funny and its, well its about fatherhood but no its not like its against women.

There are some women in our audience so, yeah absolutely. Oh you know what? I’ve actually got one of the stars of our shows right here, and it looks like he’s got an issue so if I could call you back in 10 minutes that would be great. Okay I’ll talk to you later, thank you, okay.

No, No, No!

Daddy Owen: Is that me? Are you talking to me?

Daddy Clay: No because we’ve started right - so you’ve started.
Daddy Owen: You were serious about that?

Daddy Clay: Yeah totally! I mean that’s part of the thing – you’re pregnant now okay? You’re carrying a child so you need to take that seriously. So no beer and that’s not, I’m not kidding. When the cameras aren’t on you you’re not touching this stuff.

Daddy Owen: Its light beer though.

Daddy Clay: It doesn’t matter if its light beer Owen. So anyway, what’s the deal?

Daddy Owen: I don’t want to be a woman.

Daddy Clay: I thought we were real clear about that?

Daddy Owen: You were clear, I was less clear. Can’t I just be a pregnant man?

Daddy Clay: Owen men don’t get pregnant – I don’t know if you missed that day at science class or

Daddy Owen: But that’s the hook – that could be the angle.

Daddy Clay: So its funny if you’re a woman and you’re pregnant and you’re going through it all – maybe they’ll know you’re a man underneath, but on top – you’re a woman. I realize you’re creative and you want to do something that’s a little different, and that’s your natural impulse.

Daddy Owen: Yeah

Daddy Clay: Yeah! And we’re just saying no.

Daddy Owen: Please?

Daddy Clay: Is this a deal breaker?

Daddy Owen: Well I’m usually not good at confrontations, um yes?

Daddy Clay: Hmm, because you look – I mean that’s a good look.

Daddy Owen: That’s aggressive when you do that.

Daddy Clay: I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Man you have to understand I have a lot invested here and this bit, we’ve been talking about it a long time and I want it to be good. Okay there’s another phone call I’m going to have to take.

Daddy Owen: Okay what do you think? Can we?

Daddy Clay: I’ve got to take this.

Daddy Owen: That’s a yes!
Daddy Clay: Clay Nichols, hey Greg how are you doing today? We’re doing this great bit on the pregnant man and …

Daddy Owen: If I was mugged I would be afraid of who was mugging a pregnant man – like who is that person?