All parents look for certain developmental milestones in their young children. From eating solid food to sitting up on their own to uttering their first word, all kids pass through a number of developmental stages as they experience early childhood. Here at DadLabs, we propose a few alternative child development stages that dads and moms should look for in their youngsters. Should the first milestone of language development be your child's first word, or first curse word? How about watching television on their own? Learn the impact these new milestones can have on your parenting experience. DadLabs Ep. 677 is brought to you by BabyBjorn.

Daddy Clay: Here at DadLabs, our researchers are constantly challenging even the most fundamental assumptions of modern parenting.Using the very latest in diagnostic, electrostatic and social media technology, our team of familiologists is taking a penetrating look into a subject that has caused parents untold anxiety. Developmental Milestones. And what our researchers have found has been shocking. Have we, as a culture, been following the wrong signs? Today's episode is brought to you by BabyBjorn. Oexo-Tek certified, safe for your baby, BabyBjorn. Developmental Milestones. The phrase itself is enough to cause some modern parents to become as incontinent as a toddler with a bottom full of stool softeners. Our in-house phrenology team believes this to be the case because so many of these traditional milestones - rolling over, smiling, potty training - have become associated with specific months of development or age. It's this traditional association which causes anxiety in parents. It is our proposal, therefore, that parents follow an alternative series of developmental milestones. Many a parent has lost sleep over when to introduce solid food, usually between four and six months of age. We suggest that instead, you carefully observe when the baby first throws up massively in public. This demonstrates that the new parents are finally getting out and about in a way that's good for all. A little urp in a stranger's do is a small price to pay. Instead of worrying when the baby will begin to grasp small objects, usually at about three months, parents instead should be on the lookout for when the child will begin picking his or her own nose. An excellent sign of developing fine motor and it means you can finally put away the snotsucker. Don't forget, modeling is important. At four to seven months of age, the parents become visibly edge and angry awaiting for the child to sit up on their own for the first time. We say, relax, the milestone you should really be looking out for, when the child can finally sit up and watch TV. Watching television can be a challenge for smaller infants. But when they finally learn to watch TV, it opens up a whole new world for them, and for the parents. Starting at about a year of age, parents now on the brink of a psychotic break, hang on every coo and burgle the child makes awaiting his or her first word. A less stressful milestone - waiting for your child's first curse word. This alternate milestone serves to indicate that the child is developing both auditory and verbal skills and also reminds us big people that these little $*%($ are just like us. Here at DadLabs, we are dedicated to reducing parental stress. We believe by adopting alternate milestones, moms and dads everywhere will feel more relaxed and require less beer. But still some beer. That's all for us here in The Lab. Anybody got a church key for this *&(#)%?